Updates and Holidays

This past week Aunt & Uncle went to a meeting with the social workers involved in Tiny Bit's case. Bio Mom has a lot that she needs to accomplish in order to be able to get Tiny back. That is the hard part of  legal risk....there is a chance that Tiny could go back to her mom. For now she has been placed under what they call Kinship Care which gives Aunt & Uncle guardianship over her. This actually works out to our advantage. We can babysit including overnights because AUnt & Uncle feel safe with us doing so. It is my understanding from reading that I have done is if they had declared them Foster Parents we would have had our Foster License to have her stay overnight. For this I am grateful:)

We are going to meet bio mom in the new year sometime. I would like to think that if she meets us and likes us, that maybe,just maybe, when her list of task that need to be accomplished seems to difficult that she will justsign her rights to Tiny over to us. ( Obviously this is in my perfect world where unicorns fart rainbows). When she meets us we will not be discussing our intent to adopt Tiny. For now she just knows that we will be assisting in Tiny's care when Uncle travels with work. She has seen pictures of us.
The reality is we will most likely have a bumpy road with the bio moms rights being terminated (TPR's) and the risk of completely losing her to her bio mom will be there until  she relinquishes her rights or they are TPR'd. Which can take a year. Legal Risk is difficult, but it is really the only chance Cris and I have at adopting a baby. Since we financially can not afford private adoption.

We have been able to spend a lot of time with Tiny and her sister Little. We just adore both girls. We had them for about 7 hours today. A good chunk of that Cris was not home for. I got a run for my money :) They girls are sweet though and I loved every second of it!! I am going to miss them when they are gone this week!

We got our letter from CHS that our license has been sent to the state for approval which means they gave us their stamp of approval. And I have my PPA (even though I have not gotten an official word that it has been approved). I am going to start sending that out for an older child :) We should receive our foster license by the end of February beginning of March. It takes 50 days.

We are 2 days away from Christmas and it is bittersweet. I am happy that we have grown our family with Aunt, Uncle, Tiny and Little Bit...as well as my friend Kim and her family. I am sad that Aunt, Uncle and the babies will be out of town for the holiday, but they will be here to ring in the New Year! Kim and Family are coming Christmas morning for Breakfast! I am really looking forward to this. I am hoping this is our last Christmas without children in our house. I thought the same thing last Christmas. That is the hard part.
I have other friends also going through this process right now and I know they are having these same feelings. My heart hurts for them too. The holidays are hard for anyone who is trying to expand their family either by infertility treatments or adoption. I hope that my friends find comfort that we are at least in the process of getting what our heart longs for. And I want to remind them that it is not if we are going to get children, but it is When we get them!!

80th Post...Things can change in the blink of an eye.

This is my 80th Post and my blog has had 7040 views..Who would I thoiught I could be that interesting? When I started this blog back in February, our journey was so different. Really, I thought by summer I would have a tween girl lounging around our house having those hormonal moments that pre teen girls do. Here we are now, right before Christmas, with no child, but with so much more. We have a chance at adding a baby girl to our family.... we have added to our family 2 sisters, a brother and 2 nieces. We have quickly formed bonds with Tiny's, Aunt & Uncle and with my fabulous friend Kim, her husband and her daughter ( who I absolutely adore) Uncle nicknamed the girls Tiny (baby L) and her sister Little... so I think for the blog I will use those.

Since Wednesday when Tiny can "home" to live with her Aunt & Uncle I have been able to see L 4 times. I also got to see her big sister (Little). We just love spending time with them. It is amazing how the simplest of things can bring such joy. To people who have not had any issues having a baby, I am sure that the things I am so enjoying are everyday, boring events. But to me they are the most precious of moments. To see a baby a sleep in my husbands arms, when I thought there was absolutely no chance of us ever having a baby is absolutely breathtaking. I am enjoying the high of this, but in the back of my head there is the constant voice reminding me that this may not work out. Everything looks promising, but I have to stay grounded. It is hard to not get attached to her or to her sister. They are both so sweet and cute. To look into their eyes and see their smiles will just melt your heart... well, it melts mine. And I am pretty sure that Tiny has Cris wrapped around her finger already.

Tiny is so strong for her age. I can hold her hands and she will stand and bounce up and down. I swear she will walk soon.  We met Uncle at the mall today, he had taken the girls for a picture with Santa. He gave me one of the pictures. I love the picture! The girls were wearing the matching outfits I got them yesterday. It is going to be so easy to spoil these two :) I have already been told that Aunt & I are NOT allowed to go shopping together! She is enjoying buying for 2 as well!!

Wednesday is a big day, that is when the Aunt & Uncle have a meeting with DSS to see what is going on and come up with a plan. We are hoping that we can get permission to babysit L. That will be good for us to be able to bond and also to give Aunt & Uncle a break. Which is great for all involved :)

Aunt, Uncle and the girls will be going on a trip from Christmas Eve am for a week. I will miss them. We will have to have our celebration when they get back to kick off the New Year. It is going to be a big year. One of big ups and downs and hopefully ending next December with us being able to adopt Tiny.

Christmas will be pretty low key this year, Cris & I will visit with my friend Kim and her family and then go to the movies like we tradionally do. This will hopefully be the last year that we do that.

I have had so many people supporting us through our journey. The ups and the downs. I appreciate the encouraging words in our bad times and the cheers at our good times. I am really a blessed person to have so many people care for us the way they do. Our child whether it is Tiny or anyone else is also going to be blessed by having all of you in her corner. Love to you all!

Surprise

I had made a dental appointment for Baby L's grandmother for today a week or so ago. About an hour and a half before her appointment she called me at work...and i was thinking "oh, she must be cancelling-bummer".
Well she was very excited and told me that her husband was on the way up to pick up baby L; that DSS had removed her from her bio mom. This is what I thought was going to take forever to do and it has only been a few weeks. The nicest part is he drove straight from picking her up to bring her to my work, so I could see her and so we could all have lunch together. They then came over again tonight so Cris could meet her.
We are so beyond the moon happy. We are happy she is safe, we are happy for the family that we are building in the grandmother and grandfather ( who from this moment on will be called Aunt & Uncle). Our dear mutual friend, her husband and daughter came for the visit. This will become our family. None of us have family here and we have all just clicked, which is fabulous!

So, for now Baby L will live with her Aunt & Uncle until our paper work has cleared...which can take up to 50 days. Hopefully the babies social worker can help get us approved sooner.
In the meantime we are going to visit with them and spend as much time as we can with them.
The Aunt & Uncle had previously adopted Baby L's sister who is 11 months older than her. She was here today as well. Cris & her have a great bond... it is awesome. She just loves him.

My heart is so happy, it is ready to burst out of my chest!!! How will I ever fall asleep tonight?

Sometimes you just need to have a temper tantrum...

It is amazing the response I have gotten since I told CHS I was going to transfer our case to another agency.
Our social worker made a trip over to my house at 6:30 in the morning in the rain to pick up the marriage certificate and divorce decree.
I received an email from the Program Director that once my certificate and license are received by them it should be about a week. And just now I received an email from my social worker that they are working to get us put on the agenda for the committee to approve next week.
Yay!

Sometimes you need a change in directions

We have decided to start looking into transferring our case to a different adoption agency. It just should not be this difficult. Throughout my life I have always pushed through whatever obstacles got in my way and got the result I was looking for. No matter what the challenge. I have been thinking of this a lot and than Sunday during church, Pastor Bruce was sharing a story about his son. He said that he shared with his son one of the most profound thing he may ever hear and that is, sometimes you just lose. That you are not meant to always win. Now losing is not something I am particularly fond of, but who ever is? Now, I do not believe anywhere in my heart that we are meant to completely quit our journey. But maybe we are meant to take a different path to get to our destination.
I have contacted Lutheran Family Services of the Carolinas (LHS) about transferring our case. I am grateful to a great friend who has given us the information on this agency. I have to respect that my friend's social worker adopted her own child through LHS. We will see what they say about transferring our case to them. It is my understanding that the agency that completes the home study is the one who gets paid for it from the state.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that the right path is going to open up for us. Thanks!

So, this is what it feels like to be bi-polar

As high as my spirits were at the news of a possibility of adopting a baby; they have become equally low. Last week I was informed that somehow CHS only has photo copies of my marriage certificate/divorce papers and that they need originals or certified copies. The problem is I had sent them the originals (keeping photocopies for my records)... which means they lost the originals. Legally for the state they are required, so no originals or certified copies = no approved home study. I was told to order certified copies of everything. Which was another $120 and it will take up to 2 more weeks to get... and of course they could not send the home study to committee without them.
So I am thinking I get these papers and send them in that I am good, right?
Now this evening I get an email that the social worker will have to talk to their legal department to see if they will accept what I ordered. For real?? WTF???? Why did I pay for these if there is a chance they won't be accepted? I emailed her back stating if they don't accept them, we don't have anything else it is the end of our journey and I will be completely devastated... Seriously, I will probably need to be sedated or something. If this doesn't work, we have no chance of having a family at all. So, I am very frustrated and more so, I am extremely sad. We are just a few weeks away from Christmas, which for the first time in my life I am kind of dreading. The thought of that day coming and we are no closer to having our own children and that there may be no hope of us having one ever is just unbearable to think of right now. I try to stay upbeat and hopeful on the outside...but inside I feel like someone has tore a piece of my heart out. Cris is just getting angry and who can blame him? We have been playing this game for almost a year. We have jumped when told to jump. We have done everything requested, had every aspect of our life inspected. I really have to question what is the purpose of all of this. Why are we having so many issues with this? I know not one thing in my life has ever come easy, but really this too? Can't we get a break in just this one thing?

Ducks in a Row

It is amazing how well this seems to be flowing now. Our social worker is submitting our home study tomorrow. Yeah!!! That has only taken almost 11 months! She said they will do what they can to get that approved and then the baby's social worker will have to get the state to expedite the foster care certification. Once that is done we just wait.

We are continuing to per sue adopting an older child. But this just seems to be right. So we will see. I am looking forward to meeting the baby's grand parents on Wednesday. I wonder what they will want to be called. I guess we will work out all those details as we go.

So many people have been supportive of us on our journey. I can't help but feel so touched by this.

Hopefully I have more to update real soon!

More Than My Heart Could Have Wished For.

If you ever talk to anyone who has adopted, they will tell you how much of a roller coaster ride it is. It takes you to the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. This weekend was one of those highs!
Through a good friend of mine we were connected with a family that is looking for a family for their granddaughter. We have exchanged emails and a phone calls. We are going to meet them Wednesday in person. It would be a partially open adoption. With no ties to the birth mother but there would be contact with the grand parents and the baby's sister.
This is very exciting. The most exciting part is the baby girl is not quite 6 months old yet.
I know this what not what we had planned...but it just might be what is meant to be! I cannot share the details, but this may move along quite quickly so we have a lot to get together pretty quickly!
We are very excited to build a relationship with the baby's grandparents and sister. My heart is so happy I could just explode. I imagine this is what a woman feels like when she finds out she is pregnant. Without the morning sickness.
Maybe, just maybe all of the waiting and issues with our paperwork have been for a reason and this baby girl could be it.
I cannot share details just yet, just know Cris and I could not be more elated than we are. We are finally a step closer to having a family!

Just What I Needed To Hear

I know I have been super inpatient lately, but those who know me well can tell you that is how I have always been. I get an idea in my head and I have to make it happen. That is not a good trait to have when being on the adoption journey. But I am dealing with it. Lord knows, I have my bad days. But most of the time I am keeping my head above water and keeping busy. I have joined a group called SPAFA (Southern Piedmont Adoptive Families Association and I have signed up to do some volunteering for Children's Home Society.

Cris and I went to a meeting for SPAFA today. My friend Kim is on the board and she has been encouraging me to come for a while. So today we went and I am so glad we did. It was a mixed group of people who have adopted in the past, those in the process and those just starting. The thing that came out of this was when one of the dads was talking about their journey and was talking about how he has never met anyone who has started this process that has not ended up adopting a child. So it is not a matter of If  but When it will happen.  The moment he said that it clicked. 

When I got home I had another email from my social worker stating she wanted to set another home visit to go over our final paper work after it has been reviewed by her supervisor.

I know in the past I have talked about wanting to volunteer with CHS and I have gotten through the paperwork and have signed up for my first two things. The first is easy and it is collecting non-perishable item, frozen turkeys and grocery gift cards to give to 25 families that are participating in CHS's Family Support and Self Sufficiency program .  The second is working a holiday event for the same program.
Children's Home Society has many programs, not just adoption.

I have been working on an adoption soundtrack on my Itunes and it has evolved into a nice little collection.
I have been listening to it non stop in my car for a couple weeks. I made a couple of copies for some adoptive parents that I am friends with. So far it has been a hit. Here is the play list...

 1. So Far to Find You- Casting Crowns
2. When Love Takes You In- Steven Curtis Chapman
3. Smile-Chris Rice
4. You'll Be In My Heart- Phil Collins
5. This Is Home- Switchfoot
6. Little Wonders- Rob Thomas
7. Until- Sting
 8. The Promise- Tracy Chapman
9. The Red Thread- Lucy Laplansky
10. Give Yourself to Love- Kate Wolf
11. Somewhere- Glee Cast
12. Perfect Peace- Laura Story
13. Make You Feel My Love-Adele
 14. You Found Me- Kelly Clarkson
15.Hope Now- Addison Road
16. Fix You- Coldplay
17. Good Life- One Republic

It represents all different stages of adoption from the waiting to the meeting to the becoming a family.

I sit here this afternoon and I feel blessed to have a family and friends to support us in this journey. I also very grateful to everyone that has been there for us. I can not imagine this journey with out you all.

1 week follow up

It's November 1st...the beginning of National Adoption Awareness Month. Today was the day that my friend Amy became a forever family to Hope. Their Adoption was made formal at 2:00pm today.
Our hope for the month is to just be approved to adopt.

It's been a week since our social worker was here. It has been an emotional one for me. I was glad to have Halloween to distract me. We had a fabulous Halloween party and then Halloween around here is spectacular. I think we had about 150 kids trick-or-treating. It was bitter sweet. I loved all the kids coming in the costumes and them really enjoying all of our decorations. But it made me sad that it was yet another Halloween without kids. Bummer!

I followed up with my social worker today, since I had not heard from her or from her supervisor.
She emailed back that she is waiting to get our educational information from the office in Raleigh and some other info  ( Lord only knows what that is). Her supervisor got my email and said if I wanted to meet we could. My response was I don;t need another meeting, I just want to know that everything that needs to be done is getting done.
My social worker ( bless her) stated that several of the families she is working with are all frustrated and she is doing her best to try to help us all. I feel for her, but I am also feel for me.

Cris and I have made a pretty serious decision. We are giving it until Christmas to get approved. If we are not than we know this is not meant for us. And we have to look at alternative plans. That gives us 2 more months. All we need is to be approved, I know placement will not be possible. We just need to have some sense of moving forward. Our life has been on hold for almost 10 months. So, it is in Gods hands. If this is what we are meant to do, it will work out.

Grateful for Friends

I think I have finally accepted the fact that no matter how hard I push things are not going to go any quicker.
I am just going to relax and believe that when it is time to have our family we will have it.
I had another wonderful evening with my friend Kim from SPAFA (Southern Piedmont Adoptive
Families of America). I always feel so refreshed after spending time with her. Last evening she brought someone to meet me, Antoinette is also adopting an older child from foster care through the same agency. We have the same social worker and she is about 5 months behind where I am. She is very sweet and very smart in her questioning. And a very giving person. I liked her.
Kim shared something that really made me at peace. That herself and everyone she knows that has adopted feels like their children where meant to be in their families...as if it were destiny. She shared the tale of the invisible red thread, which is from an ancient Chinese Proverb.
"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break." 
I feel so blessed to have met Kim, she is one of those people I just clicked with. I have been so fortunate that since we started our process I have met such wonderful people that I know I will have life long friendships with.

The Mommies Network blog is about ready to start rolling out. We are tweaking the website and doing practice post...so it should be soon that I go national.
I am working on a list of adoption resources for the site. Luckily Kim had given me pages of resources. Now I am working on getting them all typed out so I get get them up on the site.

We meet again with our social worker next Tuesday, We are suppose to be finalizing our Foster Care Application and our Home Study then...but we will see.  So for now I am reading more books and researching online and waiting.

Lyrics for the video- When Love Takes You In
I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

I am so excited I could pee

So the later part of this afternoon I got a call from my social worker Monica...I look down, see her number and automatically I think...Oh man, what now? Surprisingly when I picked up Monica was really excited saying she has been contacted by another social worker with a sibling group for us... but it is 3 boys.
She knows we want a girl and preferably 2 kids, but she was asked to call us. The reason is she was contacted by Ondra, our instructor from our MAPP classes. She remembered us and was thought we would be great parents for these kids because they are bilingual but Spanish is their first language. I asked Monica how this would work since we were not approved yet... she said it wouldn't be a problem, because everything is almost done. She said that she had no worries about us being approved and that they would make it work out if there is a sibling group that we would match up with.
I told her I would discuss this with Cris, but we really want a girl in the mix. She says she has a couple more sibling groups she will send me bios on tomorrow.
This is the most excited I have been in a long time!
Cris and I discussed it this evening and we agree that we want either 2 girls or a girl and a boy. Possibly even 2 girls and a boy if the situation is right.

Could it be...Progress?

I am so confused and aggrevated, but I can also see progress.
I have another form to fill out and I am waiting to get that in my email. And we are scheduled on October 25th to finalize our paperwork. The bad thing is that is when it gets sent to the state and it will be at least 50 days for approval. With that being said, there is very little to no chance of us getting our family together by Christmas. That will be rough. Another set of  holidays without a family to celebrate with.
What I am confused about is that I was told that we had to be approved to get children's bios.
We received bios on one sibling group, so I am not sure if we were approved or if we got it in error.
Either way, we got one...so I am not going to ask...I don't want to bring attention to the fact that they probably shouldn't have sent them to me.

I have been corresponding with the team at the Mommies Network trying to get my blog set up over there.
And with just a few more views on this site and I will have 5000 views of this blog. In 3 days it will be 9 months since we started this long, long journey.
Thanks ya'll for caring to keep up with my story.I am very blessed to have amazing family and friends that love us so much.

Finishing Touches on the girl's room and started the boy's room

Boy have we been busy. Which is good it keeps my mind off things. I put an email into my social worker stating how frustrated we were. She responded quickly, like she always done. Which is great. But she really couldn't give me any answers...which is not so great. She talked about how she has so many families to help and how this is just the process. She did say as far as she could tell we had everything we need. So we just wait...

The longer I wait the more money I spend (hehe). Retail therapy is always fun! The girl's room is done with the exception of the bedding which I will let her pic out. It's turned out so cute. I have slept in there the last few night, since my parents are here.

My parents and Cris helped me with the "World Travels" project. I am so happy with it :) Here it is...

We can add pictures of places that we visit as a family. We used yarn with colored push pins to attach the photos to where the pictures were taken. It turned out exactly like I pictured it!

 We are going on 9 months since the beginning of our journey. I am so ready for us to start the next chapter. We should be starting up our blogs for The Mommies Network this month. I am planning a Halloween Party for some of our friends ans their children. That should be fun. I am planning all kinds of corny "Halloween" foods like lil smokie Mummies ( basically lil smokies wrapped in crescent rolls to look like mummies)

We will have bobbing for apples and some other games for the kids.

It should be fun! Other than that not much else going on...hoping to have some news soon :)

Seriously...sometimes I just want to say...

Ok so I can't say what I want to say, but I want to just go up to someone high up and tell them how much they are messing with people. I get it, there have to be steps to take to adopt, I get protecting children...but seriously why does it take 3 weeks for my social worker to send my therapist an address to mail my evaluation...and why has she not received it a week after my therapist mailed it?? I am still baffled that therapy was required in the first place. It's like they can't believe that someone can turn out ok after their mother dies. You would think that this would actually make me a better parent for children who have experienced loss in their lives. Personally I think it is a stall tactic. At first I took it personally, very personally. I was actually doubting that I should be a mother...maybe they saw something I didn't see. Now, after talking with several friends, all of whom have the same social worker I realize she is just overwhelmed with an enormous case load. I do believe she has good intentions, she just can't get to any of us because there are just so many of us.
I just wish they would be honest and tell us... Hey- it's gonna take a year plus just to get approved and then pretty much you are on your own to find kids. I could deal with that. But they haven't done that. They have told us all 3-6 months. Here we are me at almost 9 months of this, I have friends at the year mark and none of us are even close to meeting any children. Halloween is around the corner...another family holiday that we will not have children for. Thanksgiving and Christmas are not far behind that. I just knew with all my soul that we would have our family by the holidays. But now it looks like that is not going to happen.
The girls room with the beautiful mural sits empty and the boys room we are just taking our time with. Each project we complete where we are no closer is another dash of salt on the wound of our empty house.

On a happy note, I am going to NY to visit my family this weekend for my cousin Kimmy's wedding. IT is going to be a quick trip, but it will be nice to be home. I bet the fall foliage has already started there. That will be nice. I am also now working with The Mommies Network on the design aspects of the blog I will be doing for them. I am pretty excited about that.
Well, night ya'll I have a flight to catch!

Psychological Assessment

On the 29th of August I finsihed up the therapy they requested me to do. I am glad iI did it only for the fact that I really liked the therapist for our children. It is good to have a relationship with her already. And it is also good for her to see us before we are dealing with issues of blending our family together. The full assessment is being mailed in tomorrow. I can not imagine what else they can ask for except for DNA!
I know a big oart of our journey taking so long is the fact that our new social worker is just swamped. She has everyone that I still talk to from our MAPP classes.And I know she has other families as well.
I am trying so hard to be inderstanding of this...but it still makes me want to scream.
I am really excited that my friend Jen gave us a small tv/dvd for the nd kids room. Now both kids will have tv.dvrs. I am not going to hook the tvs up to cable. There is just too many inappriate shows on now a days.
I am really looking forward to when my parents come at the end of the month, so we can start working on that second kids room :)  And mostly looking forward to the map project. The map project that I am going to put on the wall is a large world map. I am going to take string (yarn) and attaching it to the map and then to a picture frame with a picture of something from that city. ( ie the Great Wall for China)
I am hoping that will turn out cool!

Well, it has been a super long day and I am off to bed! Good Night World!

8 months

8 months....If I were expecting a biological child I would be complaining about my back aching and eating cookies and creme ice cream... Oh wait that is me tonight only I am not expecting. It was 8 months ago today that we conceived our children in paperwork and submitted our application.

Back then, I had no idea of the emotional rollercoaster we would be in for or the toll it would take on me as a person. I remember getting the acceptance letter a few short weeks later stating that the whole process would take 3-6 months depending on how quickly I did my part.

Well, 8 months later, here I sit...still waiting. I have been my normal OCD self and had everything within hours of being asked. Many times having things ready before they asked. And that has done nothing for us. I have stopped trying to figure out the whole process. There really is no rhyme or reason to it. It is completely luck of the draw. Lord knows the rest of my life has been a series of up hill climbs...why should I expect this time to be any different, right?

But, still I keep my chin up and look at the blessings I have in my life. I have my health, my awesome loving husband, I have a supporting family, my sweet dogs, my good job and some of the coolest, awesome people as friends. Some old, some new...but all awesome. Since the beginning of our journey, I have really been concentrating on surrounding myself with positive people. Those who are willing to give unconditionally, as I do. I have been pleasantly surprised at how many people are here. Some that I would never have expected. Most of all I am blessed with my husband. This journey has really made our relationship a much stronger one. He stabilizes me when I get a little to zany and high strung. I don't know how I would have made it through the past several months without him. Those times when I was so frustrated that I was ready to just say "to heck with this", he was there to push me through. He has listened to me talk about murals, decorations, bedding and curtains. He has refinished and painted furniture. He is starting to love these children that we haven't even met yet as much as I do...and for this I love him more!

So for now that is what we do... prepare and wait for our family that we just haven''t met yet...
now I have this song stuck in my head. Which is better than Spiderman,Spiderman (which our neighbor boy Hollister was singing today and I have been singing that ever since). I guess this is better :)

Facebook Game

Everyone who has been on this adoption journey with us for the last 8 months knows that my path to adoption has been a difficult one. This past week my facebook mailbox and many friends status' have been taken over with this stupid game that is severely insensitive to anyone who is going through or has been through the difficulties of infertility. This is something that has bothered me all week. I didn't participate, but I also didn't say anything, because I was thinking it was me just being over sensitive. One of the woman I have met in my adoption networking posted this blog entry in her status a couple days ago...
Regarding Facebook Breast Cancer
I couldn't have worded it better! It was so nice to see that I am not alone! So many women I know and so many that I don't know have also been feeling the same way. With that being said, if you are one of my facebook friends,please do not private message me asking me to participate in something that is a huge reminder of something I have never been able to write or ever will be able write in my status. Thank you!

Want to support locally (Charlotte)... consider supporting Camp Care!
There is a 5K here next weekend that Cris & I are walking in to raise money to send children who have cancer, are in remission or siblings to 1 week of summer camp in Lake Lure. Click here to do support: http://campcare.org/walkathon.php

Couples Therapy

We found out last week that we needed to do a couples therapy session and psychological testing. So that is what we did this evening. After everything is said and done, she said she couldn't find anything of concern, that she was giving us a fabulous positive recommendation and that she didn't see any reason for me to go back! Yay!!! She is going to type up a report and forward it on to our social worker. So let's see what else they can throw at us!!! God, I pray that this is it!

We bought a dresser this weekend and Cris and i painted it red yesterday to match the wall in the Grey and Red room. It came out really nice. I will get pictures tomorrow!
Not much else to report on that!

Bittersweet

Today, I am not really in a good place. Probably one of the most down days I have had thus far.
In our MAPP class we made friends with 2 couples. Leigh Ann and Jerel were approved almost a month ago and now Michelle and Mark. I am so happy for them and so sad for us.
I have friends who are pregnant and friends who are trying to conceive. I guess that is just the stage of our lives. School starting has been the biggest punch to the gut. When we started in January, I had visions of us taking our girl for her first day of school. Here we are almost 8 months later and we have yet to even be approved. I am just bummed and having a complete pity party with myself. Cris is just as upset, but he doesn't even want to talk about it. Enough whining for me. I am still praying that it will happen tomorrow:)

Faith

Faith is all we can have now. Faith that our paper work is making it's way through the proper channels... Faith that we will make the right decision for both ourselves and our children when it comes time for matching....Faith that our children are currently out of harms way, sleeping safely this evening.

Many are already up to speed because of face book, but for those who don't know. Our new Social Worker Monica has been on top of everything. She is getting information on that 9 year old brother and his younger sister. In addition another social worker contacted her about us, because she has a sibling group in Caldwell County. That is about and hour and a half away. We are waiting on more details, but our wait will most likely go into next week, since it is Friday night.

This was a fabulous week of networking with adoptive parents. Monday evening I met up with a group of women from the Charlotte Mommies board. We met up at this cute little ice cream shop called Aloha Snow. Great ice cream and really cute decor...they had ukuleles hanging up all over the walls. The owner is also an adoptive mom.
Yesterday evening I met up in person for the first time with Kim. She is a board member for SPAFA (Southern Piedmont Adoption and Foster Association) She can equipped with so much for me! She gave me a book on how to make a Life Book with our child. I particularly liked that!! Kim is such a phenomenal woman... she has such a passion for the adoption community. Our time together was priceless!!!
I felt instantly like I have a friend who gets it... all of it! The good and the bad. I can tell already that we will become such great friends.

This process has been awesome for opening ourselves up to new people. The people we have let in have become so dear to us so quickly! I am so happy with our life right now.
I know that we will have more ups and downs than we can ever imagine. We will feel joy and sorrow beyond anything either of us has ever experienced...but it just feels right. Like this IS what we should be doing.

So for now I pray and have FAITH that the family we are meant to have will become our family...I am just hoping it is sooner than later...because I have alot of trouble with Patience.

I swore to myself I would stop looking....

I stayed home from work today because my gallbladder flared up again last night. Unfortunately it was self inflected. I went to a friends house for dinner yesterday and she made pot roast. Beef is pretty much an absolute no no for me. Being polite and the fact that it was fabulous, I ate it. But I paid the price all last night

I swore to myself that I would stop looking online at the waiting children's profiles... but I just can't help myself. Today when I checked I expected to see the same group of children that I have views a million and one times. But today a new face appeared. He is a 9 year old Hispanic child whose sister is in the process of becoming legally cleared for adoption and they want to place them together.
Could this be why our process has taken so long? I keep believing that the children we are meant to have we will have. Can I dare hope that these are the children????

Here is Christian's profile: http://www.adoptuskids.org/child/ChildViewNoBanner.aspx?id=41085&sid=11

That would be so cool to have Cristhian and Christian. That will surely mess everyone up! Including me!
I don't have any info on the sister yet.
I emailed my social worker and literally a minute later she responded that she was on it!
She is amazing!!!
So keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!! Thanks ya'll!!

New Social Worker

So physicals are now out of the way. Last evening we met our new social worker. Monica has over 15 years of pre-adoption social work experience. She is very gung ho to get going with this. She thinks are approval should go through any time now and she is working on our Foster Home Application.

She will be the one who helps match us with our future child(ren) We need to send her a good picture of the both of us so that she can make an online profile for us. She is very enthusiastic and says she will really be marketing us heavily. She is quick to respond to emails. I am really hopeful that things will move along quicker now.

Anything else??

What a roller coaster week. First I get an email that I should hear about my approval by Monday and then, oops we need more info...I received an email yesterday saying we needed physicals. So today I went and Thursday Cris goes. I am not sure why they didn't tell me about this earlier. But, I am just going with it.

We have been very busy lately. I started therapy last week and had my second visit tonight. I really like Katherine. She thinks we should be able to tie up what we need to for CHS next week. Yay! We agree that it may be best to hold off on visits until we have our kid(s). Using this as a baseline of my personality, so she has something to compare it to. I got a nice compliment from her. I was telling her how my husband really likes these 3 little hispanic girls. And that I was unsure that we could handle it. She said that I was a very adjusted person and would do great with 3. I am still thinking 2 is best for us.

We meet our new social worker Monica on Friday evening. She is very on top of things! She is very quick to email me back and has had answers to everything I have asked! So I am looking forward to meeting her.
To be safe I called up to Greensboro to CHS home office to make sure they still have all of our photo books. I had to leave a message, so hoping to hear back tomorrow.

So, let's see...what else is going on with our life? We have been hanging out alot with all our neighbors. Which is great! We are really blessed with some fabulous neighbors! We have lived here 3 years, but have stuck to ourselves for the most part until 2 months ago. I went to church with Amy this past week and really liked her church, so I am going to start going there.

Saturday I am hosting book club here :) It will be nice to catch up with all the girls.
I am hoping to have alot more to write soon!

THE MURAL IS COMPLETE!!!

CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO VIEW LARGER!

We are so happy with the room! The final touches will be the bedding and curtains. But I am going to let "Her" pick them out! I will let the pictures speak for themselves!
A Special Thanks to Alex from Portrait-Art-For-Pets-and-Their-People !! What an amazing job!!!

Mural...Ok so not quite done yet, but close

It is getting so close to being done....

I have an appointment set with the new therapist this coming Tuesday after work. I am glad that most therapist have openings in my schedule. I found one that takes my insurance and practices the type of counseling they want me to attend. Before this, I never knew there was such a big difference.

I have been trying to keep myself busy so that I don't think too much about waiting. That just makes me sad.
So, I am organizing a "Vendor Blender" to benefit United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation. I am pretty excited. August 26th I am getting vendors from all kinds of companies to sell their products and donate the hostess profit and/or the consultants profit to United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation I have quite a few vendors lined up already... Creative Memories, Passion Parties, Pampered Chef, Premier Jewelry, Chartruese (eco-friendly products) Thirty One and a Wine Tasting! I am hoping to get a lot more! That is all just in the last day.
I am glad to have something to keep my mind off things.

Hoping The Mural Is Done Tomorrow :)

Alex did lots of detail work this past visit and should finish up tomorrow!!! woohoo!
I am so flipping excited! The pictures really do not do it justice! It is really really amazing. Cris and I just laid in our future daughters bed staring at it for about 30 minutes today. I could and I am sure I will do that alot!
There is so much detail, I imagine our daughter laying in her bed looking at that moon as she falls asleep at night. I just love it!
If you ever need someone to paint a painting or do a mural, Alex is absolutely spectacular!

Here is a link to Alex's facebook page:

Portrait-Art-For-Pets-and-Their-People

I am trying to find a therapist that works with my insurance and also meets CHS's criteria for  a therapist. I think I found someone. I sent an email onto my social worker to make sure they approve of this therapist. I need to call my insurance tomorrow to get preauthorization to see the therapist.
I am also still waiting to hear when we will get scheduled to meet our new social worker!

Almost done with the Mural :)

It was a wicked hot day here in Charlotte! The AC is having trouble just keeping up with the heat.
We are getting down to the final stages of this project which I am very happy about.
We decided not to do the schnauzer in the moon, but rather put it on a sererate wall all together. That area was getting too busy and we still want to do a few more stars.
She is most likely coming back Monday. I will post more pics then. :)

Mural Progress...at least something is moving along!

I got an email today from my SW that they want me to see a therapist that they recommend. Not the one I picked...urgh!!! So now I have to wait on them to tell me to call. I am not happy about this.
But on a good note Alex from Portrait Art For Pets and Their People was here today and knocked out alot of the mural. She is expecting to wrap it up by Sunday! Yay!!!
It is so pretty... here are some pictures!

Therapy- Visit 1

I was fortunate enough to get  in with a therapist this evening for a consultation visit. I really liked her. I start next Friday. I liked her approach. It's not really about hashing out old issues to just relive them..it is more just recognizing what buttins my future child will be able to find to push and creating a way to protect those buttons. That made alot of sense to me. She works with mostly children but does see some adults and specializes in adoption issues. So I think it will be a good thing.
So I start on the 29th. We'll see how it goes :)

Therapy

Well, I do need to go to therapy... Oh Joy...talking about 31 year old crap. I will do what ever I need to. As long as I commit to going they will continue to move forward with the adoption process... so I guess I am going to therapy. The therapist I saw 5 years ago said I had issues with intimacy...not in a toiuchy feely kind of way, I am fine there. Anyone who knows me knows I am a hugger. My short coming is I have come to expect that noone will stick around, so I have become self sufficent and I have learned to survie no matter what. That has come in handy at times. No matter what I survive. I understand that the adoption agency is looking out for the best interest of the child and they want to make sure that my issues are handled before I am forced to deal with someone elses. I am sure after a visit or two, this therapist will say the same thing as the last...that I am ok and dealing with life how I should. It stinks I have to go through the motions. Our SW is very confident that we will be approved and keeps telling me not to worry.

I will be getting a new social worker soon for the child selection process. I am so excited for this to get here.

I am not sure if I wrote this before or not, but Cris and I have decided if they approach us with a brother & sister, we will take both of them. That way we will be done in one shot. I don;t think I could handle going through this again.

On a good note, Alex is coming again Wednesday and says she will finish up by this weekend on the mural! Yay!! That will be so awesome!

Well, that is all  I have for now!

Jumping Through Hoops

Our Social Worker came today. Really only to discuss how I feel about when my bilogical mother died and about where I lived when I was younger. I didn't have too much to say because I was so young.
She then asked if I would be willing to go to therapy if they requested it. Of course I said yes. I will do what ever I need to do. A few years ago I went for a few visita and she tild me I was normal and was dealing with things in a healthy manner. I gave the SW the therapist info, so hopefully that will do.

The SW also mentioned that she was suppose to interview Cris and I seperately. That today would count as my interview. She has to check if it really is mandatory to meet seperately.
If so we will need Cris to get interviewed as well. Anyone who knows my husband knows that his interview will be interesting!

So it looks like we won;t be getting approved anytime in the next couple weeks. Urgh!
I need to concentrate on being patient.

Breathe

Phew I can breathe! I heard back from my social worker! We are not denied! She needs to talk to me more about when my mom died when I was 5 and about the time that I spent living with a foster family.
I don't remember much about that because it was when I was so young.
I feel like the world was just pulled off my shoulders. I have cried so much in the last day, thinking the worst.
I am so blessed with so many wonderful people who have been supporting us through our journey! I am hoping it that this journey will start it's next sgment real soon!
Thank you to everyone that has listened and given support. We love you!