Seriously...sometimes I just want to say...

Ok so I can't say what I want to say, but I want to just go up to someone high up and tell them how much they are messing with people. I get it, there have to be steps to take to adopt, I get protecting children...but seriously why does it take 3 weeks for my social worker to send my therapist an address to mail my evaluation...and why has she not received it a week after my therapist mailed it?? I am still baffled that therapy was required in the first place. It's like they can't believe that someone can turn out ok after their mother dies. You would think that this would actually make me a better parent for children who have experienced loss in their lives. Personally I think it is a stall tactic. At first I took it personally, very personally. I was actually doubting that I should be a mother...maybe they saw something I didn't see. Now, after talking with several friends, all of whom have the same social worker I realize she is just overwhelmed with an enormous case load. I do believe she has good intentions, she just can't get to any of us because there are just so many of us.
I just wish they would be honest and tell us... Hey- it's gonna take a year plus just to get approved and then pretty much you are on your own to find kids. I could deal with that. But they haven't done that. They have told us all 3-6 months. Here we are me at almost 9 months of this, I have friends at the year mark and none of us are even close to meeting any children. Halloween is around the corner...another family holiday that we will not have children for. Thanksgiving and Christmas are not far behind that. I just knew with all my soul that we would have our family by the holidays. But now it looks like that is not going to happen.
The girls room with the beautiful mural sits empty and the boys room we are just taking our time with. Each project we complete where we are no closer is another dash of salt on the wound of our empty house.

On a happy note, I am going to NY to visit my family this weekend for my cousin Kimmy's wedding. IT is going to be a quick trip, but it will be nice to be home. I bet the fall foliage has already started there. That will be nice. I am also now working with The Mommies Network on the design aspects of the blog I will be doing for them. I am pretty excited about that.
Well, night ya'll I have a flight to catch!