Friday, May 08, 2015

Rise Again

When I last wrote we were only 7 days from being in the clear to adopt Spartacus. The 7 days came and went and we thought we were in the clear. For the first time in months I could breathe. And then we got notice that the biological father had contested the adoption. The worst thing is in his letter "contesting" the adoption he demands repeatedly a paternity test and than states if "it" is his, he wants to give "it" to his mother. It infuriates me that he refers to our son as "it". Now that he has contested, he has to go to court to prove he has the right to contest. This is the statute that he has to meet in order for his contesting to effect the adoption.
In summary, he has to acknowledge he is the father of the child and financially support the bio mom during and after the pregnancy, or he attempted to marry the mother. Since he sent the letter to the court demanding a paternity test, he is not acknowledging Spartacus as even being his biological child. In addition he never attempted to financially support her. As far as his mother getting Spartacus, that isn't even an option legally. The court hearing will be in a few weeks and he won't even be able to go, because he is in jail with bond set at $50500. I doubt he will make bond to be able to attend the hearing and an immediate decision will be made that his consent is not required. If he manages to make bond (which he hasn't been able to do since February when arrested) and goes to court he will have to be able to prove that he met the statute in order to have a right to officially contest. Since he hasn't met the criteria, his consent will not be required and we can move forward with the adoption. So, ultimately all his letter has done is cost us more money. But God will provide. I found a grant to apply for and the cut off date was May 15th. So we just made it. I am praying we get it and that should help cover a big chunk of the expense.  I am hoping that this hearing doesn't push off our adoption too far. It would be great if they could just finalize it right after the hearing as Spartacus will be with us over the 90 days by the time this happens.

Outside of all this legal crap we are dealing with lots of issues with Sweetie's treatment. Things have been rough. Behaviors are the same, just now she is adding statements constantly that she doesn't have to do what we say because we aren't her parents. Yes, I know all adopted kids say that and I know all kids say I wish you weren't my parents. The difference is Sweetie follows it up with actions. She refuses to follow anything we say. In our CFT meeting last week she was yelling at me because I always side with my husband. I agreed that yes I do and I always will, we are one. She looked at him and said I don't know why you kiss his ass all the time, he won't be here long". I asked her what she meant by that and she started yelling that I was accusing her of threatening to murder him. We are going month by month on authorization at the PRTF because they have been unsuccessful finding a placement that will accept her at a step down home anywhere in the state. They are trying to force us to bring her home. I am refusing to do this for the 3rd time. The attachment therapist that we have continued working with while Sweetie has been in treatment has recommended having Sweetie tested by a forensic psychologist. There are 2 top ranked ones right here in Charlotte. With their recommendations we can have the courts force the insurance to pay for longer care and possibly help us get her into a long term facility. Which I don't know of any, but I do know they exist. I have requested in writing to both the PRTF and Sweetie's Insurance that she be tested before we will even consider her coming home. After this I will contact the Council for Children's Rights to represent us.

Sweetie is coming home this weekend and for the first time we are letting her have a friend come stay for the weekend. One of my good friend's daughter is Sweetie's only friend. She has been writing to her at the PRTF and she get's what Sweetie has been through. I am glad she has her. Maybe that will be a friendship that will make a difference in her life long term. I am glad to have the distraction of a friend here for the weekend, as mother's day is normally a trigger holiday for her. I am praying that all goes smoothly and there are no major issues.

So, lots going on here. Amazing I have not been spazing out. We keep getting knocked down, but we are survivors and we continue to rise again. With all that is going on we are still completely blessed and happier than we have ever been.Spartacus brings so much joy to each day. He will be 2 months old tomorrow. He is such a happy baby. It is so easy to be present in each moment with him. He truly is a miracle. And I know without a doubt that everything will work out and he will be legally our son.