Saturday, June 20, 2015

It is Well

Deep Breath... the last month has been full. We had Sweetie's home visit. Which sadly did not go well at all. It was so frustrating, that we put a lot of effort into creating a fun weekend for her and she spent the entire weekend trying to sabotage it. That is probably the saddest part of her disorder, she doesn't feel worthy of good things or good times. She doesn't allow herself to have fun or enjoy herself. I hate that for her. And while it is frustrating, it breaks my heart. However, ever since she has been doing much better both at her PRTF and in communication with us.
We have been having really positive phone calls with Sweetie and she is really looking forward to coming home for the 4th of July. She has even been requesting more calls with us. It has been 3 weeks without being cussed at or having a phone slammed. Now calls end with I love yous.
I also received an email last week that they may have found a step down placement for Sweetie. I am hoping to hear something soon. It has been 6 months of trying to find a spot for her. Then during her Monthly CFT Meeting we discovered there may be an opening in a home just 45 minutes from here.
We are praying for that one. If this doesn't work we have what they call a Care Review Meeting set up this Friday. This meeting will have the insurance company and a representative of all the major providers to try to come up with a plan.

Things at home with Spartacus are going great. He is sleeping through most of the night. Which is great. He is getting so interactive. He is a pure joy. He truly has a special spirit of Peace and Calm.
We have so much fun with him already, as he learns to giggle and coo. The pups are just in love with him and he is just the cutest thing ever!  I took him up to see his tummy mommy, her husband and Spartacus' brother. We went out to dinner together and it was a really nice visit. I am so grateful that we can have this open relationship. His brother was so excited to see him. I am looking forward to continuing to see them and continuing to work on growing our relationship.

So, Wednesday was suppose to be the big day. This was the court hearing that determines whether the biological father has a right to consent. Since this is such a rare situation the judge did not make a decision and told my lawyer she would get back to her sometime this coming week. My lawyer feels the judge is just taking time to make sure everything is done correctly. Which is good. I will feel confident that there is no way the biological father can try to come back after the fact and try to over turn the adoption because we missed some small detail.

I am still at peace with everything. We are surrounded by a phenomenal group of friends and family that have been supporting us in this journey. We are beyond grateful for this support. The Lord is doing some big work on my husband's heart through this and is healing old wounds. It is beautiful to watch him open himself to accept love and friendship from others. My husband is a grown up RAD kid and until me, never let anyone in. Now, I see him allowing others in and I am seeing how he is beginning to believe that God has this all covered. When we lost Leah 3 years ago, my husband was done with God. Then this Wednesday, when we didn't get the answer we were waiting for from the judge, he didn't get angry and seclude himself like he has done so many times before. But instead he came to me and asked to pray together. And instead of being demolished by yet another set back, we have found peace. I have always been high strung and as I have grown older that manifested into some pretty intense anxiety. I am happy to say the anxiety has been so much better than I would have expected. Maybe it is because I have finally handed it all over to God. There is simply too much for me to handle on my own. I have finally accepted that I have no control at all over the biggest aspects of my life. That was a pretty big pill to swallow from this grade A control freak. But there has been such freedom in that. It is allowing me to just be present in each moment, instead of worrying about what will or won't happen. I know my God is Bigger than mental illness that attacks my daughter. I know He is Bigger than the legal delays. Ultimately, I know he has a plan for my entire family. And It Is Well In My Soul.