Thursday, September 22, 2011

Seriously...sometimes I just want to say...

Ok so I can't say what I want to say, but I want to just go up to someone high up and tell them how much they are messing with people. I get it, there have to be steps to take to adopt, I get protecting children...but seriously why does it take 3 weeks for my social worker to send my therapist an address to mail my evaluation...and why has she not received it a week after my therapist mailed it?? I am still baffled that therapy was required in the first place. It's like they can't believe that someone can turn out ok after their mother dies. You would think that this would actually make me a better parent for children who have experienced loss in their lives. Personally I think it is a stall tactic. At first I took it personally, very personally. I was actually doubting that I should be a mother...maybe they saw something I didn't see. Now, after talking with several friends, all of whom have the same social worker I realize she is just overwhelmed with an enormous case load. I do believe she has good intentions, she just can't get to any of us because there are just so many of us.
I just wish they would be honest and tell us... Hey- it's gonna take a year plus just to get approved and then pretty much you are on your own to find kids. I could deal with that. But they haven't done that. They have told us all 3-6 months. Here we are me at almost 9 months of this, I have friends at the year mark and none of us are even close to meeting any children. Halloween is around the corner...another family holiday that we will not have children for. Thanksgiving and Christmas are not far behind that. I just knew with all my soul that we would have our family by the holidays. But now it looks like that is not going to happen.
The girls room with the beautiful mural sits empty and the boys room we are just taking our time with. Each project we complete where we are no closer is another dash of salt on the wound of our empty house.

On a happy note, I am going to NY to visit my family this weekend for my cousin Kimmy's wedding. IT is going to be a quick trip, but it will be nice to be home. I bet the fall foliage has already started there. That will be nice. I am also now working with The Mommies Network on the design aspects of the blog I will be doing for them. I am pretty excited about that.
Well, night ya'll I have a flight to catch!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Psychological Assessment

On the 29th of August I finsihed up the therapy they requested me to do. I am glad iI did it only for the fact that I really liked the therapist for our children. It is good to have a relationship with her already. And it is also good for her to see us before we are dealing with issues of blending our family together. The full assessment is being mailed in tomorrow. I can not imagine what else they can ask for except for DNA!
I know a big oart of our journey taking so long is the fact that our new social worker is just swamped. She has everyone that I still talk to from our MAPP classes.And I know she has other families as well.
I am trying so hard to be inderstanding of this...but it still makes me want to scream.
I am really excited that my friend Jen gave us a small tv/dvd for the nd kids room. Now both kids will have tv.dvrs. I am not going to hook the tvs up to cable. There is just too many inappriate shows on now a days.
I am really looking forward to when my parents come at the end of the month, so we can start working on that second kids room :)  And mostly looking forward to the map project. The map project that I am going to put on the wall is a large world map. I am going to take string (yarn) and attaching it to the map and then to a picture frame with a picture of something from that city. ( ie the Great Wall for China)
I am hoping that will turn out cool!

Well, it has been a super long day and I am off to bed! Good Night World!

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

8 months

8 months....If I were expecting a biological child I would be complaining about my back aching and eating cookies and creme ice cream... Oh wait that is me tonight only I am not expecting. It was 8 months ago today that we conceived our children in paperwork and submitted our application.
Back then, I had no idea of the emotional rollercoaster we would be in for or the toll it would take on me as a person. I remember getting the acceptance letter a few short weeks later stating that the whole process would take 3-6 months depending on how quickly I did my part.
Well, 8 months later, here I sit...still waiting. I have been my normal OCD self and had everything within hours of being asked. Many times having things ready before they asked. And that has done nothing for us. I have stopped trying to figure out the whole process. There really is no rhyme or reason to it. It is completely luck of the draw. Lord knows the rest of my life has been a series of up hill climbs...why should I expect this time to be any different, right?
But, still I keep my chin up and look at the blessings I have in my life. I have my health, my awesome loving husband, I have a supporting family, my sweet dogs, my good job and some of the coolest, awesome people as friends. Some old, some new...but all awesome. Since the beginning of our journey, I have really been concentrating on surrounding myself with positive people. Those who are willing to give unconditionally, as I do. I have been pleasantly surprised at how many people are here. Some that I would never have expected. Most of all I am blessed with my husband. This journey has really made our relationship a much stronger one. He stabilizes me when I get a little to zany and high strung. I don't know how I would have made it through the past several months without him. Those times when I was so frustrated that I was ready to just say "to heck with this", he was there to push me through. He has listened to me talk about murals, decorations, bedding and curtains. He has refinished and painted furniture. He is starting to love these children that we haven't even met yet as much as I do...and for this I love him more!

So for now that is what we do... prepare and wait for our family that we just haven''t met yet...
now I have this song stuck in my head. Which is better than Spiderman,Spiderman (which our neighbor boy Hollister was singing today and I have been singing that ever since). I guess this is better :)

Saturday, September 03, 2011

Facebook Game

Everyone who has been on this adoption journey with us for the last 8 months knows that my path to adoption has been a difficult one. This past week my facebook mailbox and many friends status' have been taken over with this stupid game that is severely insensitive to anyone who is going through or has been through the difficulties of infertility. This is something that has bothered me all week. I didn't participate, but I also didn't say anything, because I was thinking it was me just being over sensitive. One of the woman I have met in my adoption networking posted this blog entry in her status a couple days ago...
Regarding Facebook Breast Cancer
I couldn't have worded it better! It was so nice to see that I am not alone! So many women I know and so many that I don't know have also been feeling the same way. With that being said, if you are one of my facebook friends,please do not private message me asking me to participate in something that is a huge reminder of something I have never been able to write or ever will be able write in my status. Thank you!

Want to support locally (Charlotte)... consider supporting Camp Care!
There is a 5K here next weekend that Cris & I are walking in to raise money to send children who have cancer, are in remission or siblings to 1 week of summer camp in Lake Lure. Click here to do support: