Friday, December 02, 2011

So, this is what it feels like to be bi-polar

As high as my spirits were at the news of a possibility of adopting a baby; they have become equally low. Last week I was informed that somehow CHS only has photo copies of my marriage certificate/divorce papers and that they need originals or certified copies. The problem is I had sent them the originals (keeping photocopies for my records)... which means they lost the originals. Legally for the state they are required, so no originals or certified copies = no approved home study. I was told to order certified copies of everything. Which was another $120 and it will take up to 2 more weeks to get... and of course they could not send the home study to committee without them.
So I am thinking I get these papers and send them in that I am good, right?
Now this evening I get an email that the social worker will have to talk to their legal department to see if they will accept what I ordered. For real?? WTF???? Why did I pay for these if there is a chance they won't be accepted? I emailed her back stating if they don't accept them, we don't have anything else it is the end of our journey and I will be completely devastated... Seriously, I will probably need to be sedated or something. If this doesn't work, we have no chance of having a family at all. So, I am very frustrated and more so, I am extremely sad. We are just a few weeks away from Christmas, which for the first time in my life I am kind of dreading. The thought of that day coming and we are no closer to having our own children and that there may be no hope of us having one ever is just unbearable to think of right now. I try to stay upbeat and hopeful on the outside...but inside I feel like someone has tore a piece of my heart out. Cris is just getting angry and who can blame him? We have been playing this game for almost a year. We have jumped when told to jump. We have done everything requested, had every aspect of our life inspected. I really have to question what is the purpose of all of this. Why are we having so many issues with this? I know not one thing in my life has ever come easy, but really this too? Can't we get a break in just this one thing?

1 comment:

  1. I am SO sorry that all of this happening and espec now at Christmas time. HUGE HUGS from the Dillen Family...This WILL happen for you and Cris.