Sometimes you just need to have a temper tantrum...

It is amazing the response I have gotten since I told CHS I was going to transfer our case to another agency.
Our social worker made a trip over to my house at 6:30 in the morning in the rain to pick up the marriage certificate and divorce decree.
I received an email from the Program Director that once my certificate and license are received by them it should be about a week. And just now I received an email from my social worker that they are working to get us put on the agenda for the committee to approve next week.
Yay!

Sometimes you need a change in directions

We have decided to start looking into transferring our case to a different adoption agency. It just should not be this difficult. Throughout my life I have always pushed through whatever obstacles got in my way and got the result I was looking for. No matter what the challenge. I have been thinking of this a lot and than Sunday during church, Pastor Bruce was sharing a story about his son. He said that he shared with his son one of the most profound thing he may ever hear and that is, sometimes you just lose. That you are not meant to always win. Now losing is not something I am particularly fond of, but who ever is? Now, I do not believe anywhere in my heart that we are meant to completely quit our journey. But maybe we are meant to take a different path to get to our destination.
I have contacted Lutheran Family Services of the Carolinas (LHS) about transferring our case. I am grateful to a great friend who has given us the information on this agency. I have to respect that my friend's social worker adopted her own child through LHS. We will see what they say about transferring our case to them. It is my understanding that the agency that completes the home study is the one who gets paid for it from the state.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that the right path is going to open up for us. Thanks!

So, this is what it feels like to be bi-polar

As high as my spirits were at the news of a possibility of adopting a baby; they have become equally low. Last week I was informed that somehow CHS only has photo copies of my marriage certificate/divorce papers and that they need originals or certified copies. The problem is I had sent them the originals (keeping photocopies for my records)... which means they lost the originals. Legally for the state they are required, so no originals or certified copies = no approved home study. I was told to order certified copies of everything. Which was another $120 and it will take up to 2 more weeks to get... and of course they could not send the home study to committee without them.
So I am thinking I get these papers and send them in that I am good, right?
Now this evening I get an email that the social worker will have to talk to their legal department to see if they will accept what I ordered. For real?? WTF???? Why did I pay for these if there is a chance they won't be accepted? I emailed her back stating if they don't accept them, we don't have anything else it is the end of our journey and I will be completely devastated... Seriously, I will probably need to be sedated or something. If this doesn't work, we have no chance of having a family at all. So, I am very frustrated and more so, I am extremely sad. We are just a few weeks away from Christmas, which for the first time in my life I am kind of dreading. The thought of that day coming and we are no closer to having our own children and that there may be no hope of us having one ever is just unbearable to think of right now. I try to stay upbeat and hopeful on the outside...but inside I feel like someone has tore a piece of my heart out. Cris is just getting angry and who can blame him? We have been playing this game for almost a year. We have jumped when told to jump. We have done everything requested, had every aspect of our life inspected. I really have to question what is the purpose of all of this. Why are we having so many issues with this? I know not one thing in my life has ever come easy, but really this too? Can't we get a break in just this one thing?

Ducks in a Row

It is amazing how well this seems to be flowing now. Our social worker is submitting our home study tomorrow. Yeah!!! That has only taken almost 11 months! She said they will do what they can to get that approved and then the baby's social worker will have to get the state to expedite the foster care certification. Once that is done we just wait.

We are continuing to per sue adopting an older child. But this just seems to be right. So we will see. I am looking forward to meeting the baby's grand parents on Wednesday. I wonder what they will want to be called. I guess we will work out all those details as we go.

So many people have been supportive of us on our journey. I can't help but feel so touched by this.

Hopefully I have more to update real soon!

More Than My Heart Could Have Wished For.

If you ever talk to anyone who has adopted, they will tell you how much of a roller coaster ride it is. It takes you to the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. This weekend was one of those highs!
Through a good friend of mine we were connected with a family that is looking for a family for their granddaughter. We have exchanged emails and a phone calls. We are going to meet them Wednesday in person. It would be a partially open adoption. With no ties to the birth mother but there would be contact with the grand parents and the baby's sister.
This is very exciting. The most exciting part is the baby girl is not quite 6 months old yet.
I know this what not what we had planned...but it just might be what is meant to be! I cannot share the details, but this may move along quite quickly so we have a lot to get together pretty quickly!
We are very excited to build a relationship with the baby's grandparents and sister. My heart is so happy I could just explode. I imagine this is what a woman feels like when she finds out she is pregnant. Without the morning sickness.
Maybe, just maybe all of the waiting and issues with our paperwork have been for a reason and this baby girl could be it.
I cannot share details just yet, just know Cris and I could not be more elated than we are. We are finally a step closer to having a family!

Just What I Needed To Hear

I know I have been super inpatient lately, but those who know me well can tell you that is how I have always been. I get an idea in my head and I have to make it happen. That is not a good trait to have when being on the adoption journey. But I am dealing with it. Lord knows, I have my bad days. But most of the time I am keeping my head above water and keeping busy. I have joined a group called SPAFA (Southern Piedmont Adoptive Families Association and I have signed up to do some volunteering for Children's Home Society.

Cris and I went to a meeting for SPAFA today. My friend Kim is on the board and she has been encouraging me to come for a while. So today we went and I am so glad we did. It was a mixed group of people who have adopted in the past, those in the process and those just starting. The thing that came out of this was when one of the dads was talking about their journey and was talking about how he has never met anyone who has started this process that has not ended up adopting a child. So it is not a matter of If  but When it will happen.  The moment he said that it clicked. 

When I got home I had another email from my social worker stating she wanted to set another home visit to go over our final paper work after it has been reviewed by her supervisor.

I know in the past I have talked about wanting to volunteer with CHS and I have gotten through the paperwork and have signed up for my first two things. The first is easy and it is collecting non-perishable item, frozen turkeys and grocery gift cards to give to 25 families that are participating in CHS's Family Support and Self Sufficiency program .  The second is working a holiday event for the same program.
Children's Home Society has many programs, not just adoption.

I have been working on an adoption soundtrack on my Itunes and it has evolved into a nice little collection.
I have been listening to it non stop in my car for a couple weeks. I made a couple of copies for some adoptive parents that I am friends with. So far it has been a hit. Here is the play list...

 1. So Far to Find You- Casting Crowns
2. When Love Takes You In- Steven Curtis Chapman
3. Smile-Chris Rice
4. You'll Be In My Heart- Phil Collins
5. This Is Home- Switchfoot
6. Little Wonders- Rob Thomas
7. Until- Sting
 8. The Promise- Tracy Chapman
9. The Red Thread- Lucy Laplansky
10. Give Yourself to Love- Kate Wolf
11. Somewhere- Glee Cast
12. Perfect Peace- Laura Story
13. Make You Feel My Love-Adele
 14. You Found Me- Kelly Clarkson
15.Hope Now- Addison Road
16. Fix You- Coldplay
17. Good Life- One Republic

It represents all different stages of adoption from the waiting to the meeting to the becoming a family.

I sit here this afternoon and I feel blessed to have a family and friends to support us in this journey. I also very grateful to everyone that has been there for us. I can not imagine this journey with out you all.

1 week follow up

It's November 1st...the beginning of National Adoption Awareness Month. Today was the day that my friend Amy became a forever family to Hope. Their Adoption was made formal at 2:00pm today.
Our hope for the month is to just be approved to adopt.

It's been a week since our social worker was here. It has been an emotional one for me. I was glad to have Halloween to distract me. We had a fabulous Halloween party and then Halloween around here is spectacular. I think we had about 150 kids trick-or-treating. It was bitter sweet. I loved all the kids coming in the costumes and them really enjoying all of our decorations. But it made me sad that it was yet another Halloween without kids. Bummer!

I followed up with my social worker today, since I had not heard from her or from her supervisor.
She emailed back that she is waiting to get our educational information from the office in Raleigh and some other info  ( Lord only knows what that is). Her supervisor got my email and said if I wanted to meet we could. My response was I don;t need another meeting, I just want to know that everything that needs to be done is getting done.
My social worker ( bless her) stated that several of the families she is working with are all frustrated and she is doing her best to try to help us all. I feel for her, but I am also feel for me.

Cris and I have made a pretty serious decision. We are giving it until Christmas to get approved. If we are not than we know this is not meant for us. And we have to look at alternative plans. That gives us 2 more months. All we need is to be approved, I know placement will not be possible. We just need to have some sense of moving forward. Our life has been on hold for almost 10 months. So, it is in Gods hands. If this is what we are meant to do, it will work out.

Grateful for Friends

I think I have finally accepted the fact that no matter how hard I push things are not going to go any quicker.
I am just going to relax and believe that when it is time to have our family we will have it.
I had another wonderful evening with my friend Kim from SPAFA (Southern Piedmont Adoptive
Families of America). I always feel so refreshed after spending time with her. Last evening she brought someone to meet me, Antoinette is also adopting an older child from foster care through the same agency. We have the same social worker and she is about 5 months behind where I am. She is very sweet and very smart in her questioning. And a very giving person. I liked her.
Kim shared something that really made me at peace. That herself and everyone she knows that has adopted feels like their children where meant to be in their families...as if it were destiny. She shared the tale of the invisible red thread, which is from an ancient Chinese Proverb.
"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break." 
I feel so blessed to have met Kim, she is one of those people I just clicked with. I have been so fortunate that since we started our process I have met such wonderful people that I know I will have life long friendships with.

The Mommies Network blog is about ready to start rolling out. We are tweaking the website and doing practice post...so it should be soon that I go national.
I am working on a list of adoption resources for the site. Luckily Kim had given me pages of resources. Now I am working on getting them all typed out so I get get them up on the site.

We meet again with our social worker next Tuesday, We are suppose to be finalizing our Foster Care Application and our Home Study then...but we will see.  So for now I am reading more books and researching online and waiting.

Lyrics for the video- When Love Takes You In
I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

I am so excited I could pee

So the later part of this afternoon I got a call from my social worker Monica...I look down, see her number and automatically I think...Oh man, what now? Surprisingly when I picked up Monica was really excited saying she has been contacted by another social worker with a sibling group for us... but it is 3 boys.
She knows we want a girl and preferably 2 kids, but she was asked to call us. The reason is she was contacted by Ondra, our instructor from our MAPP classes. She remembered us and was thought we would be great parents for these kids because they are bilingual but Spanish is their first language. I asked Monica how this would work since we were not approved yet... she said it wouldn't be a problem, because everything is almost done. She said that she had no worries about us being approved and that they would make it work out if there is a sibling group that we would match up with.
I told her I would discuss this with Cris, but we really want a girl in the mix. She says she has a couple more sibling groups she will send me bios on tomorrow.
This is the most excited I have been in a long time!
Cris and I discussed it this evening and we agree that we want either 2 girls or a girl and a boy. Possibly even 2 girls and a boy if the situation is right.

Could it be...Progress?

I am so confused and aggrevated, but I can also see progress.
I have another form to fill out and I am waiting to get that in my email. And we are scheduled on October 25th to finalize our paperwork. The bad thing is that is when it gets sent to the state and it will be at least 50 days for approval. With that being said, there is very little to no chance of us getting our family together by Christmas. That will be rough. Another set of  holidays without a family to celebrate with.
What I am confused about is that I was told that we had to be approved to get children's bios.
We received bios on one sibling group, so I am not sure if we were approved or if we got it in error.
Either way, we got one...so I am not going to ask...I don't want to bring attention to the fact that they probably shouldn't have sent them to me.

I have been corresponding with the team at the Mommies Network trying to get my blog set up over there.
And with just a few more views on this site and I will have 5000 views of this blog. In 3 days it will be 9 months since we started this long, long journey.
Thanks ya'll for caring to keep up with my story.I am very blessed to have amazing family and friends that love us so much.