Friday, January 27, 2012

Nothing Personal...Hun

"Nothing Personal...Hun", the 3 words that could have brought me to the low level of Tiny's birth family. Hearing those words made me want to hit someone. But of course, I didn't. I was my normal, sickening sweet self.
I guess I should back up an hour to tell you what would give those words so much influence over my attitude.
We had a family meeting with Tiny's bio-mom today. One of the purposes of the meeting was to change kinship care from Tiny's Aunt & Uncle over to me, which Tiny's bio-mom agreed to previous to the meeting today.
When the topic was brought up Tiny's biological grandmother (who had her rights terminated for bio-mom when she was a teen), pipes in that she has a woman she works with at McDonald's, they want the baby to stay with for Kinship care. When asked for the woman's name and contact information, the grandmother could not produce a name or information. So needless to say, I did not get to sign the kinship paperwork today.  So this got tabled for another month.
As if this wasn't depressing enough, the bio grandmother says to me on the way out..."Nothing Personal Hun"
Well, it is personal! I don't understand how a woman who lost the rights to her biological child has a right to have input into this situation. And I do not understand how biomom has a say in where Tiny goes...she is the one who has gotten Tiny into this situation. How can the state say that you can't have your child unless you do x,y,z but you can pick who ever to take care of your child?

I think what makes this worse is I am coming off a week of Tiny being very sick with bronchitis, which has caused severe vomiting and diarrhea. The Dr. feels this is from being subjected to cigarette smoke while living with biomom and she is ruling out asthma She now needs Nebulizer treatments every 4 hours to keep her cough under control, as well as Singular. With all of that, Tiny has not been sleeping well, which means I am not sleeping well.

I knew this was going to be a long, bumpy road. But it still suck when you hit one of those bumps.
This was the first real time it hit me that we really can lose Tiny at any time. The amount of pain that causes is so incredible that I can not even find words to describe it. But for the first time in my life I really felt as if my heart broke today. I mean, I physically felt pain in my chest as I rocked Tiny to sleep tonight. It is amazing the amount of love that we have developed so quickly for this little angel.

I have now purged my feelings and it is time to put my big girl panties on and buck up for the battle that is front of us.
We need your prayers and positive thoughts more now than ever! Thank you for your support, we love you all!

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