Sunday, April 20, 2014

Coming Home

Like I have anticipated Sweetie's authorization is expiring at the 6 month mark. Sweetie is doing remarkably better, but she is not ready. She even says that. She is to a point where she wants to work on things, but doesn't know how to. This is where the problem is in the 6 month limitation on a PRTF stay. Just when she is feeling safe enough to do the work, they push her out. So, we are looking at Discharge possibly being May 12th when the authorization runs out. This would not be a good thing. Sweetie is scheduled on May 14th to get her tonsils out. I worry that she won't be able to take her medications because she can't swallow and that will cause her to completely dysregulate. The plan for surgery had been to have her come home for 2 days and then go back for the worst part of the healing. Which is days 3-5. During that time she will be in the most pain and that is also when the scabs form on the back of her throat. If they come off too soon (like they were picked off), she could develop uncontrollable bleeding that would require another surgery. The PRTF has 24 hour nursing and people who can watch her 24/7. I alone could not do this. In addition, I can not take 2 weeks out of work to stay home with her. So, I have asked if we can hold off until May 30th for discharge. That would give her chance to heal before coming home.
Once she is home, I will be cutting my hours at work so I can be home when ever she is. Our plan for when she does come home is to have her go to a Day Treatment Program through the summer, until school starts in the fall. In addition we will start therapy weekly with the therapist she has been working with since February. She is the first person that Sweetie has began to work on her trauma with. I like Mrs. Nicole, she is firm and also not easily manipulated. And most of all she works with us as a whole. We are fortunate that she has left the PRTF and is actually going to work for the same company that runs the Day Treatment program. In addition to that, we are going to go back to see Mrs. Dana, our family attachment therapist. She has cut down her hours significantly, however she is keeping us on as clients.  I am very encouraged by the team I am piecing together.
I meet with the  Exception Children's Director for Sweetie's school this Wednesday to discuss transitioning her back in the fall. We are going to have to redo her whole IEP, because things have changed greatly.
I will be honest that I am nervous about having her home. The recommendation has been to transition her to a group home or therapeutic foster care. Neither of these are options for us! The group home would introduce her to even more criminal behaviors from the peers there. And she would be able to manipulate and triangulate majorly in a foster home. If we placed her in either she would feel like we had given up on her and have sent her away. This would destroy the last 2 years worth of bonding.
This road has been tough, but she Has bonded to me. She Does know that I love her. That in itself is huge progress. This is a girl who started off feeling that she was not lovable and that she had to take care of herself. Over the last 2 years I have showed her time and time again that I am here. I am sure I will have to show her over and over again, probably for years before she knows with all her being that I will love her completely and unconditionally. That I will love her like God loves us all.
It was perfect to have her home for a long weekend this Easter weekend. Friday evening we went to the Tenebrae service at our church and then we went to Easter service this morning. Both services are always beautiful and moving. But this year it was especially powerful. My girl was with me to experience this. She was there protected in my hug as we listened to music and spoken word that ushered us through Jesus' last moments. She was there this morning to celebrate that he has risen. I was so glad she could be home with us to experience these services. I hope that they bring her great hope. God was able to take despair and turn it into the greatest source of hope imaginable. A hope that will help my daughter to heal completely. I believe that she can be healed and she is finally beginning to believe that herself.

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