Friday, October 25, 2013

Falsely Accused

  I don't even know where to begin. This is by far the most difficult thing to write about and it was surely the most difficult events of my life to go though.
I should back up a bit and talk a bit about Cris' sleep apnea. Per a sleep study, Cris stops breathing about 85% of the time each night. The sleep apnea has caused him to snore so loudly that we could not sleep in the same room. He was able to get a CPAP machine which allowed him to stop snoring, which means for the first time in years we can sleep in the same bed last week. I know that probably seems random... but it plays a big part in the events of the past week.
Follow that up with me going away for a weekend for a women's retreat and add our first family photo shoot together. This was the recipe for the prefect storm for my daughter. The Aftermath of the storm has been completely devastated. But I get ahead of myself.
Wednesday, Sweetie had a rough day at school. For some reason she got up in the middle of class and cut one of her classmate's hair. Sweetie has such a negative self image that she can not handle anything negative being addressed with her. It reinforces that she is bad and no worthless. This makes it difficult to help her change the behaviors when addressing them causes a melt down. Cris picked her up from school that day, so he was the one that had to talk to the Dean of Students about the event. When they were driving to our first family photo shoot, Sweetie told Cris if he told me about cutting the boys hair that she would ruin his life. Of course Cris told me and we found out that Sweetie did indeed plan on ruining Cris' life. She started accusing him of sexually abusing her.
She tried her best to convince me and even went to the point of accusing him to his face. But her story kept changing. My husband immediately recommended contacting authorities. I contacted both of our therapist and everyone agreed it would be best if we contacted DSS ourselves. So we did. They did what they would do for any accusation and we were interrogated. Cris was forced to leave the house and was warned if he was with Sweetie alone that he would be arrested. Cris was devastated. The whole time I just knew in my heart and mind that she was lying. She descried in great detail what happened. But while telling me she would refer to herself as a baby. Looking back on it I can see that she was describing things that someone else did to her. The hurt that she has experienced is beyond anything I can imagine. She kept this story up for 2 days and finally broke as we were driving for her to be questioned a second time by the police, with a therapist and social worker. They were also planning to do a physical including an internal exam. As I drove to the meeting I told Sweetie she need only tell the truth. If you she was lying, we would find a way to forgive her. If she wasn't lying and Cris had done such a thing, I would still stay with him, but we would have to get him help. This infuriated her. She was so upset that I would not leave him. Then I told her if she went through with the accusation and the exam and it shows that nothing happened that I would have no choice but to admit her back into the mental hospital. She immediately started to say "I don't want to go to the hospital!". I explained that it was up to her all she had to do was tell the truth. She admitted she lied, she admitted she was jealous of Cris' love for me. That he loved me more than her. These were the same reasons she gave last year when she hurt Darling. It was this time last year that she hurt her. It was this time 2 years ago when she made a false accusation against her previous foster parents. I believe something awful happened this time of year. Sweetie did go in and admit her lie to the police.
Unfortunately once she did that she felt she should be let off the hook, like it is not a big deal,
My husband has truly incredible. Instead of coming back home full of anger and hurt. He came back full of grace and compassion. He came back and asked if he has disappointed either of us. He asked for forgiveness for his shortcomings. Something that should have driven us apart actually drew us closer together.
Here we are a few days after the most traumatic days of my life. One would think that Sweetie would try to reconcile and at least attempt to be on better behavior. Not my daughter. The event has reinforced her belief that she is bad and evil. She has become increasingly agitated, argumentative, verbally and physically abusive to both acris and I. We are at a loss of what to do now. If we send her to therapuetic foster care or a group home will she get even worse. Will she feel completely rejected and follow the path of her sister? If we keep her home, how much more will she escalate her behaviors? We are heartbroken and truly do not know which way to turn. No one would blame us for giving up. We don't want to give up. But we know she needs greater treatment than we can provide on an outpatient basis. Tuesday I meet with both therapist to discuss our options and recommendations. The last 5 days has been hell on earth for Cris and I. We are exhausted. I am praying for some relief and for some clarity on where to go from here. 
Unfortunately, with everything going on we are no longer allowed to be foster parents. This really saddens me. I know for Sweetie right now it is the best thing. But I am so disappointed. This was the first time in my 38 years that. I actually really felt I knew what. God's plan was for me. But, I guess I was wrong. I am struggling as to what to do next with my life. There has to be a purpose for all of this. I may never know what it is, but something good has to come from it all. It just has to. 

1 comment:

  1. I do not have answers. all I can say is keep working with the professionals. God loves you all. I care for you my friend. I hate that you are going through this. I would love to buy you a cup of coffee sometime and just Listen...... sending much love gigi