Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Healing Begins

This past week had been a good one. We have been busy and Sweetie has managed to keep it together all week. Over the last few weeks she had been pushing hard and refusing any direction. This makes it very difficult to parent. I think she had an "Aha" moment in therapy Saturday. Her favorite phrase has been "I don't have to, you can't make me" and she is right we can't make her do most things. Ms. Dana put it a way that seems to have made an impact by saying "You are right, you don't have to and no one can make you do anything, but that is just part of being a part of a family". For the first time Sweetie could say without even a bit of pause that we were a good family and she wanted to be part of it. I really believe her. She has been trying so hard to control her anger and to do what is asked. I am celebrating every small victory. When Sweetie gets aggravated she storms off, usually with a bunch of mumbling and grumbling. Last night as she stormed away from the dinner table I calmly said "that's ok you can go to your room to cool off if you need to, but would you mind just clearing your plate first". I don't know why I asked, I just knew she wouldn't do it, but I tried. And to my surprise she stopped mid stomp through the living room, turned around and came back to clear her plate and put it in the sink. Now, she was stomping and grumbling like crazy, but SHE DID IT!!!
I made sure to praise her for doing it and tell her how proud I was that she could control herself to do that. We are having progress. I am getting more and more glimpses of hope for our Sweetie. I see here bonding more with Cris. He has been working with her on kickboxing. This has been a great outlet for some pent up energy and it gives them something that is for "just them". She is really enjoying it. I am happy she is starting to show interest in something other than driving me nuts. That has been her most favorite past time for the last year. I have learned how not to respond to the button pushing and she has found I am like a broken record with my rehearsed responses so she has finally stopped trying to push them so much. It's been quite a while since she has called me anything to awful. She is settling into this new routine with a lot of structure. We have to work so hard to stay out of power struggles with Sweetie. We have figured out that is what she is looking for. If she can get us to engage in an argument, she still has the ability to try to control the situation. One of my favorite sayings now is "It's not worth arguing" or "I am just to tired to fight today, but you can feel free to argue with yourself all you want" as I walk away. She has been going to either church with me or going up to Jr. High Small Group on Sunday mornings. I believe this has a big impact on her healing.
It is so good for her to be surrounded by our church family who loves us (including her)so unconditionally. I am grateful for the beautiful young woman in our Jr. High group who accept and support Sweetie, no questions asked. These sweet souls really embody the spirit of Jesus. This past week one of the boys made a comment to Sweetie that could have been hurtful. I know this boy and I am sure he didn't mean it that way and Sweetie actually wasn't bothered by it. But one of the sweet girls (Shea) could see how that could be hurtful and sent Sweetie one of the nicest text about how
she is beautiful and awesome just the way she is. I was so proud of both Shea and my Sweetie. A year ago, Sweetie would have beaten up someone that picked on her and a year ago Shea might not have been mature enough to deal this the issue. It is amazing to watch our girls grow into beautiful women.
That was last week. 
This week we are back to tantruming Sweetie. She tantrummed for 3 hours tonight, an hour and a half while the therapist was here. She was actually more escalated than usual in order to provide a better show for the therapist. She went from being completely manic and banging repeatedly on windows and kicking doors to sitting on the floor yelling to sobbing and back around again. It was exhausting. It started the minute I walked in the door. As she often does, when Sweetie does something she knows is wrong she rats herself out. This time it was that she friended a 19 year old guy on Facebook.
She knew it was against the rules and knew she would get caught when I checked the computer. As soon as I opened my mouth to say anything she started arguing and blowing up. The therapist asked that we start documenting her moods as she is starting to believe that  Sweetie's issues aren't all RAD and ADHD, but Bipolar. I have often thought that myself. Because she is either really really good or really really bad. There is no in the middle. She is an all or nothing girl. I will talk to her psychiatrist when we see him Thursday. This will be our first meeting since she was released from PRTF.

Last week we hit our first speed bump on our road to becoming therapeutic foster parents. But it was quickly rectified. The group we will be working with to get special authorization to accept us because of Sweetie's recent discharge from PRTF. We meet with our social worker next Tuesday night to officially get started. We do not have to take MAPP training again, which is awesome! My only worry now is that her therapist seeing her tonight may put a damper on things. I pray it does not.

Please continue to pray for Sweetie's continued healing, may she know God's love through me.
Also please pray for our strength and our patience. There are many days were it wears thin, but we are continuing to pour love on her even when she is acting her absolute worst.

1 comment:

  1. i am so proud of you guys as parents...it is a lot to deal with and i am glad you are involving a church, i am not religious but i believe it is necessary and beneficial to children. i love that you are documenting all of what is going on, maybe someday she will read it and give both of you guys huge hugs for your dedication, we were all trouble sometimes as kids but to know what our parents are thinking when it was happening is a huge thing and you are both doing a fantastic job. prayers to you both and god speed! she is lucky to have you