Friday, February 15, 2013

Sisters (please note some parts are graphic in nature)

Of all the losses that I have worried were the most damaging, losing her sister was the one that I felt was the worst. Sweetie idolized her big sister. And for a few years her sister was on a really dangerous path. Sweetie's social workers felt it was best to split the 2 kids so Sweetie wouldn't follow down the same path.
It had been over a year since Sweetie last talked to her big sister. She was missing her awfully.
The last I had heard, her sister (who I will refer to as Sissy) did not want any contact with Sweetie. After being on the run for almost a year Sissy is finally back living with a prospective adoptive family and just had a baby at age 14. Recently I have contacted Sweetie's social worker to try to get any photos and things from Sweetie's childhood to start working on her Life Book. A life book is kind of a scrapbook that tells an adopted child's story. It is very therapeutic for them. When chatting with her social worker I asked her to pass my info onto Sissy's family, so that maybe in the future we could facilitate communication. I was quite surprised when I received a short email the night before last from Sissy.
I shared Sweetie's email with her (Which I completely monitor). The girls started emailing back and forth. Today Sissy called to talk to Sweetie. It was amazing to see Sweetie light up in a way that I normally do not get to see. It seems like this new home is a good fit for her. They have gotten her caught up in school, encouraged her to get a job and are teaching her to be a mom to her baby. Sissy has had to learn to survive living on her own at the age of 13. She has gotten herself into unspeakable situations. She is aged well beyond her 14 years of age. My heart was breaking as she was telling Sweetie that no matter how she feels to never run away. That life is rough and she shared how people she thought she was friends with loured her into an apartment where they tied her up, drugged her with heroine& and then let random men force them selves on her for 3 days straight. The thought of that happening to sweetie scares the death out of me and nauseates me. She soon found herself living with a grown man who said he wanted her to have his baby, so she got pregnant and he is now in jail for sex with a minor. These are things that 13-14 year old girls should never have to deal with. But then again, she should never have had to deal with her stepfather abusing her for years either. Sissy took the brunt of the abuse to protect Sweetie. I still can't wrap my brain around the situations that both girls faced as children. I am sure there is so much more that has happened that I do not know. I may never know.The physical abuse, the squalor they lived in, the neglect they faced. No wonder they can not trust any adult. How could you ever trust anyone, let alone adults?

You can tell how much Sissy cares for Sweetie and doesn't want her to end up on the same road. She was praising her for good grades and lecturing her to wait to have sex until she is married because being a mom is hard work.She talked about not getting tattoos because it is harder to get a job with a visible tattoos.
One of things I found interesting is Sissy being older sees relationships with families differently. Where Sweetie has a very romanticized memory of her biological family, Sissy remembers them, how mean they were and that they were mean because of the drugs they were doing. All in all it was a good call.
A lot of it didn't sink in with Sweetie for an hour or so. I asked her during dinner (with just her and I) how she felt about the call, she said "Great" I said I thought some of the discussion was pretty heavy stuff. Sweetie didn't really know what I was talking about. When I mentioned the being tied up and all that bad stuff, she said  it made her sad, that she really didn't even think anything of it right away until I mentioned that is it was heavy. We talked for a while about the situation and about how good families are there to protect their kids from these situations. It is our job to teach them how to be safe and avoid bad situations.

We will see how communications continue. In the past the girls relationship has been very volatile. I will continue to monitor all conversations. I feel good about this. I think it is so important to have connection to bio family, as long as the relationship is healthy. I am hoping this will be a good thing.

On the PRTF we are still in the waiting stage. They are saying there should be a discharge this coming week. Monday, I need to get her primary psychiatrist to sign off on her admission and the psychiatrist at the center to sign off on it as well and we should be good to go. I am praying we can get her admitted before the end of the month when Cris goes to Ecuador for 10 days. Last time he went to Ecuador was when Sweetie needed to be hospitalized for 2 weeks. I don't know if I can do this on my own.  I surely don't want to be admitting her to the PRTF by myself. But as I always I will do what I have to do, because I have no other choice.
I continue to pray that Sweetie will understand why we are admitting her to the residential program, that she will find healing during this upcoming part of our journey together.

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