Sunday, October 14, 2012

Feel Again

Driving down the road, Sweetie sitting next to me in the car singing these lyrics. These are the moments that I live for. It has been one month since Sweetie was hospitalized and the difference it has made is remarkable.
I am not sure if it is the medication or the fact that she knows that I am here no matter what that has made such a huge impact on her. Perhaps it is a bit of both. We had a big breakthrough in therapy this week where she started to share things about her past for the first time. Things she has never shared before, with anyone. She was worried that I would not love her if I knew. But I love her all the more. I know she is now starting to feel the unconditional love I have for her. She has become extremely attached to me. She does not like me to be out of sight and has become even jealous of others who receive my affection. This is good because now she cares if I am disappointed in her or if I am upset with her. I am most likely the first person she has truly cared about in many years. I am still trying to gauge how much we can do outside of the house. This week was too busy with Disney on Ice and going Pumpkin Picking. At Disney on Ice I was actually brought to tears when I looked over and saw how genuinely happy she was. She was cheering and clapping and having such a good time. This was the first time she had ever done anything like that. It kind of breaks my heart to know of all she has missed out on her childhood. I am trying so hard to recreate 12 years worth of memories that we didn't have together. I am so glad that emotionally she is younger and that she does not yet realize that she is older than most kids doing the things we are doing. I am hoping that it continue to last.
We had sure a wonderful day Saturday up to Riverbend Farm. She picked out her very first pumpkin. She really enjoyed all of the silo slides they had there and loved playing with Nia, James, Parker and Max. It was so awesome to see her running around for hours just being a kid!!! A kid with no worries. It made my heart so happy! I know we still have so far to go, but just the fact that she is able to go and start to really enjoy herself is all the encouragement I need. Seeing her really happy makes it all worth it!
Sweetie's new favorite song :)


  1. This post brought happy tears to my eyes. <3

  2. So happy for you and your beautiful daughter Jenny!!