Please Be My Strength

Ok so this is a picture of my skeleton after running! Ok, maybe in my dreams. My skeleton is probably larger than that. But it's all good, I own all this! This week I find myself just drained.
They increased one of Sweetie's meds and it is the anniversary of Sweeite's adoption tomorrow. You would think this would be a good day. But not for many of our kids. Many of our older adopted children have big bad feeling surrounding their adoption day. Yes it is great that they were adopted, but think of what they had to go through to need to be adopted. For this reason I try not to say we were meant to be a family. Because if she was meant to be my child, she was meant to be abused and neglected. I don't for a single minute believe that. I like to tell her that God has given all man free will. Unfortunately when people have not been showed God's love and chose to live lives that revolve around sin, bad things usually happen. But God loves us so much, that he makes a beautiful thing out of something broken and messy. He has taken your crappy situation and mine and created a wonderful beautiful family. I am always honest with my daughter. I feel I owe that to her. Most of her life she has been lied to. Now she believes everyone is lying. So when something sucks I say "boy that really sucks". I can tell her when I am disappointed or sad. She may not always accept it at first but she does eventually accept what I am telling her as truth. There is such a fine line with this as well. I do not tell her how angry I am at her parents for not doing the right thing. I always go back to "They did what they had been showed to do". They had not received real unconditional love growing up, they were completely broken and no one cared. I have such pity for her biological family. Her 15 year old sister is now in a detention facility and her 9 month old baby is being adopted next week by his foster parents. My heart is happy! He is safe and loved by an amazing Christian family. I am blessed to know the mom considers us family! That means so much that she is keeping contact with us.
I have digressed. Back to Adoption Day Anniversary. So, I am not sure if Sweetie's constant negativity and defiance is a symptom of that or what. But it is draining. I am trying to keep upbeat, but sometimes I want to just say "Yeah This Sucks" and climb under the covers and hibernate for a month. I know it is not realistic to even consider this but it really is a nice dream. Tomorrow we will celebrate by repeating some of the things from last year, we will get cupcakes from SAS and go to dinner to the same place. I hope it is a good day for her and us. I am in need of some serious relaxation.